Here in LA, many are being dropped off at fancy kennels, where they’ll lounge in luxury for a few days while their Democrat owners head east to celebrate the inauguration of Bark Obama. I heard from a Lab on the Westside that somebody dropped off Jack Weiss at something called a “cageless kennel,” but I don’t believe it. Nobody’s seen Weiss in weeks.
I’m staying home. I’m not taken to kennels, fancy or not. Something about my appearance – and personality.The best I get is a walk around the block with a choke collar around my neck a tight leash. And if somebody drops by, I get chained to the living room wall like a prisoner in Abu Ghraib.
Luckily, I can still see the TV while I pull on my chain and snarl because this inauguration is a very big deal: The Obamas are getting a dog!
I know, being politically correct and all, our new President and First Lady will probably go for a rescue mutt, like me. Maybe if they look in the bushes around the White House they’ll find a homeless bum like me and take him like Deborah did when she was afraid I’d eat the neighbor’s kid. This is going to be one lucky Dog. Not only will he get to play with two adorable little girls in a big house, but grandma’s moving in, too. Grandmothers often act tough, but when nobody’s looking they’ll slip you something under the table. I guess they’re a lot like lobbyists that way
The pup pool shrank when the Obamas announced the dog had to be hypoallergenic because one their daughters has allergies. Poodles moved up in Vegas sports books but the odds are only even because many are known to be French.
I’m betting on a mixed breed, like me – and our new president. And before you leave a nasty comment, that’s what Obama said about himself recently. The guy’s not only a good dad, but he has a sense of humor.
So I’m going to sit back this weekend, try to forget Measure B for a few days – which is nearly impossible in this house – and watch the festivities in Washington. With all the crap we deal with every day, there isn’t a dog in America, no matter his breed or political affiliation, who can’t enjoy this. Not only are we going to see our first African- American president but two little girls are getting a dog. And it’s about time for both.