Sometime it gets too ridiculous – even for Bruno.
I’ve been sitting on the sidelines over the last couple weeks watching our so-called leaders turn City Hall into a circus, seeing the showdown between our ringmaster mayor and his clowns at the DWP with the Council over whether LA is going to go broke without the a bailout from the utility. Controller Wendy Greuel’s been the girl on the flying trapeze.
But this morning’s news inspired me to get off my tail.
After crying wolf so loud the financial guys in New York put down their martinis and started paying attention, Antonio issued a big “never mind” yesterday about his call to shut down some city departments two days a week.
“To all of our surprise, we’ve gotten an increase in revenues of $30 million more from property tax than we expected,” Antonio said.
“To all of our surprise?” What in God’s name is going on? Does he think we’re all idiots?
Word in the kennel is that Antonio is being advised during this crazy crisis by Chief of Staff Jeff Carr, Deputy Mayor Jay Carson, former mayoral flack turned energy expert Matt Szabo and his new $1-a-year jobs czar Austin Beutner.
DWP Chief David Freeman was in Israel for much of the trouble, getting back just in time to make a fool of himself before the Council and managing to make Janice Hahn look like Margaret Thatcher – and that isn’t easy!
Try to imagine these guys meeting before announcing they’ve somehow found $30 million.
Antonio: OK, somebody remind me who the hell brought up the idea of “brinksmanship?”
Carson: That would be me boss. It worked for Clinton. Remember that thing with Newt?
Carr: Right on, Homey. In the hood you have to show you have balls.
Antonio: Well guys, I’m getting my balls handed to me. Anybody have any other brilliant ideas?
Szabo: I could put out a press release. Maybe tweet something.
Antonio: What would the release say?
Szabo: I don’t know.
Antonio: Anybody else? How bout you, Beutner? You’re rich. You must be smart.
Beutner: This job sucks. Just give me all the money and I’ll cut deals that will fix everything.
Carson: I’ve got an idea boss.
Antonio: What now?
Carson: It’s another Clinton thing. Let’s just lie!
Carr: Terrific idea. You can tell them we looked around and found a few million dollars and the crisis is over.
Szabo: I can write the bullet points.
Antonio: Think we can get away with it?
At this point, all the men start laughing and the meeting concludes. Freeman suddenly wakes up, burps and says, “Don’t worry, I’ll tell them anything you want.”